28 April 2014

realize

Today,
it hit me
that I may very well be in love with you.
I live my life between each of your smiles;
I watch hours pass with each minute I wait for you.
I can feel
a hollowness in my chest,
a magnetism that pulls me to you.
When your lips touch mine,
when I feel your heartbeat against mine,
my soul comes home.
My hands were made for yours,
my head meant to rest beneath your chin.
Wrap me up,
blanket me with your body.
Today,
it hit me
that I am so very much in love with you.
(I just thought you should know.)

23 April 2014

snapshot in words

Your lips used to mesmerize me,
and your gaze could hold me captive;
everything about you sent electricity through my veins.
I could look at you for hours and find new things to notice,
obscurities and idiosyncrasies to file away in my memory.
And, god,
with all that,
imagine the things I could write about you.
The curve of your smile.
The spark in your eyes.
Your warmth.
Your charm.
But they fade,
they dull,
they can never compete on paper
with what they are on you.
And especially now,
now that you're but the whisper of a memory
and your voice is a silent echo
and your face is a washed out reflection,
I could never capture your beauty
(the same way I could never capture your heart).

19 April 2014

blood moon

This morning at 1:56,
we lay together on my roof
watching the eclipse.
It was cold.
We had five blankets
and two pillows
and we left our shoes on,
but still, we were freezing.
With my back pressed to your chest
and your arms wrapped around me,
I whispered,
"What are you thinking about?"
But you didn't reply.
Slowly,
your breathing
evened out.
I watched as the moon emerged from behind Earth's shadow,
and listened as you began to snore.
At that time of night
(morning? night?)
everything is quiet
stagnant.
No cars passed.
The hum of appliances ceased.
Only your sleeping noises broke the silence.
Only the rise and fall of your chest shattered the stillness.
I wanted to fall asleep with you
and let the sunrise wake us,
but I knew you had to be home.
And so I wanted to wake you then,
and ask you again what you were thinking,
but you sounded so peaceful
and I knew you were tired.
I turned back to the stars.
Without my glasses, the moon
looked foggy,
and its light watery,
as it crossed the sky
and found sunlight to reflect.
And I watched.
I didn't know how long I'd been tracking its progress.
I reached over you and you jerked awake
like you'd been underwater, holding your breath.
You asked me the time
and my phone screen lit up just in time for me to watch
2:27 turn into 2:28.
You lay back down
but you told me you had to go home.
Your eyes closed.
Your muscles relaxed.
So tired–
so tranquil–
I shook you awake.
You told me again you had to go home
but neither of us moved.
We didn't budge
for a long time after that.
It almost felt like you would stay on the roof
with me.
But today at 11:49 I woke up in my bed,
without you.

13 April 2014

aa

i've never been good at the whole
affection thing.
in the past i found i gave too much,
but i was just giving what i wanted to get
(though not for a lack of it;
but the more i get the more i crave;
call it an addiction)
lately, i've been thinking
that perhaps i don't give enough.
i know i act aggressive
but it's not because of you.
i've just found it easier
to hurt people
before they hurt me.
(i think of it as self-defense, but sometimes
i see it more as an affliction)
just give me a moment
let me walk twelve steps
i can be okay
our lips pressed together
can be a seal of approval
i can be good enough
i can prove it.

08 April 2014

your lips

curved in a smile,
pressed against mine,
saying i love you

are poetry in and of themselves



03 April 2014

guess i should thank you

I'm grateful for the experience we had. You're a part of my past, but my present is that much happier because of our relationship (even for the way it ended). I won't forget you, but I don't love you anymore. I did, though, and it taught me a lot. So thanks.

I fall in love with things-
The sound of my name,
painted
in the color of your voice-
the softness of your words
and how they could cut through a room,
and deafen me.
I fell in love with your eyes,
a forget-me-not blue
that has never been forgotten.
I fell in love with the sound of your heartbeat,
the rise and fall of your chest, the way it could lull me to sleep-
there were nights I'd lie awake,
my ear pressed to the pillow, wishing I could hear it.
 I fell in love with your hair
in the afternoon sunlight,
and the brightness of your smile,
like a sunrise at the end of the day-
it was something I could never understand.
And I never understood love
until I loved you.