11 May 2014

throwback to this time last year

People think it's when someone tells you they don't want you
or need you
or love you.
And, well, it is.
But it's also where they show you that they don't.
It's where you say you could call me
and they say I know
and then they don't.
It's where you ache with the burning desire to hear about their day and their activities
and you listen to them talk,
watch their expressions,
laugh in the right places,
and they don't even bother to ask about you.
It's where, yeah, you've got other friends and you're happy,
but they've left this hole where they used to be
and you've been unable to fill it up,
and they didn't even have a space for you in the first place.
So, yeah, rejection is "I think we should break up,"
or "I guess I just moved on,"
but it's also
"She's my best friend," when that used to be you,
or a playful, "No one" when you ask who keeps texting them
because their phone keeps ringing
and it's like it's laughing at you because look-
he chose to talk to you, but you're only one of his options,
and you're definitely not the first
and you're definitely not the best.
So you just smile weakly and hope they don't notice that they've broken you so completely,
and you wonder, why do I keep letting him in?
It's because every time he comes back, you're hoping he's accepted you
when really you're just finding out all the different ways he can reject you.

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