24 June 2014

seven months in fifteen days

"15/we sat here and you kissed me so softly i didn't notice my heart stop
22/the rain pounded your car windows, a layer of water between us and the parking lot. we added a layer of steam. 
7/i didn't expect to see you, but it was exactly what i needed to make it through the day. 
31/you made me cry every day that week and this was more than i could handle. i missed you more than I thought. 
1/you made up for it. 
23/you proved you know me better than anyone else. 
8/why do you make me promises that you don't keep? you made me feel worthless. 
14/ive never celebrated this holiday before this year. 
24/your "good luck" meant more to me than anything else that day. 
27/i missed you so much. 
17/i never knew how much i meant to you until your dad introduced me to your sister. 
30/this was the first night i actually believed you'd stay with me and tough it out. i woke up deliriously happy. 
2/this was the day you told me you were leaving me. you said "maybe" but was it really that much of a surprise?
6/this was the last promise you broke. 
10/this was the day you said goodbye. i haven't stopped saying goodbye to you since."
-you said i could keep you. 

12 June 2014

so this is goodbye

I wonder if you read that letter.

I wonder if you even remembered it, even brought it on the plane.

I wonder, if you did, if it mattered to you...?

If you soaked in every word, eyes hovering over each scribbled letter, trying to imagine me saying it to you, lingering over I love you...

...or if you skimmed it halfheartedly, just enough to find the gist of it, before folding it back up and stuffing it back into a carefully sealed, carelessly opened envelope...

Did you remember it?

Did it matter?

Do I?