02 April 2015

<< The College Journey >>

Part II

I'm so incredibly excited for May to arrive. I'm so restless here, I'm so ready to spend the summer at home. It's making it hard to focus on classes, and therefore, it's a problem.

So maybe the solution is to re-visit last summer and remind myself why I decided to exile myself to Reno. (Only partly kidding.)

Let me begin by saying that I had a really fantastic senior year: I had (have) a great boyfriend, I had (have) awesome friends, I was doing well in school and found out that I was a valedictorian candidate, I was accepted to every college I'd applied to and offered tons of money to attend. I had a lot of things going for me. 

And then suddenly high school was ending and, well, I wasn't ready for that.

I have a fear of public speaking that definitely was not relieved by a 300-strong graduating class (plus family members). My boyfriend was leaving for the summer, and we broke up. I was plagued by the idea that maybe when I'd accepted admission and declared my major that maybe I'd chosen wrong. 

I spent the summer trying to distract from the train-wreck that was my speech, the heartbreak that remained of my relationship, and the terrifying doubt that I was leaving everything I loved behind for a mistake.

I distracted myself well enough that I grew excited at the prospect of moving to Reno. I was possessed by idea of transforming myself and finding myself and moving into a new chapter of my life. Orientation got me psyched up for the semester and furnishing my apartment psyched me up to live on my own and my (ex) boyfriend's silence steeled my determination to be better off without him.

So even though we've since gotten back together and even though this apartment has disappointed me significantly and even though the academic stress has caused more than a few meltdowns, I'm going to try to approach the rest of this semester with the same enthusiasm and optimism that I had coming into the year. I'm going to try to revive the zeal I brought here with me.

And hopefully that will carry me through until I can migrate back south.